Ween versus Pavement

A Portland three-day weekend full of the usual suspects: postcard parties, bike rides, late-night birthday dance parties, delicious breakfasts, shuffleboard, monster truck rallies (maybe not so usual), napping on the parental couch, getting lost in the gorge, rewarding hiking legs with an IPA and then, to top it all off, the Sasquatch lineup delivered via text by one Alexis Chicoye who attended the lineup announcement party in Seattle. Maraschino cherry text.

Ween is headlining! I really couldn't be more pleased but it's going to be pretty polarizing. There are lot of people out there that do not love Ween. May in fact, hate Ween. I almost stopped talking to someone over the holidays due to a heated Ween/Pavement discussion. I don't like Pavement. May in fact, hate Pavement. Why? Well, let's pretend Ween and Pavement are not bands, but instead, two people.

Pavement is this 90s pop song guy and he overthinks things and is slightly too large for his tightish jeans and he thinks a lot about his feelings and is self-deprecating but still, sadly, takes himself very seriously. His parents never took him camping when he was a kid. He has some sort of graphic design job. He peppers his conversation with popular culture references and we would end up watching movies all the time and drinking affordable beer.

Ween is a mixed bag. He is probably not as boyishly attractive as Pavement but he doesn't think about his looks. He eats drugs and then runs around in the woods. He has had many strange jobs: guy that fills the condom machines at strip clubs and gas stations, commercial fisherman, Tijuana tour guide, fork-lift operator. He may be slightly insane but in a very charming way. He would appreciate a chemistry set as a birthday gift. We would do science together. He is way more fun. We would probably end up sailing the world and eventually be destroyed by Somali pirates.

Yes. Now you know one of my methods for articulating why I like or dislike a band. This is why I don't review music for a living.