For the Love of God

So, it's Dress-up Friday today which usually means it's a good day. I'm one of those superficial people that believe you feel good when you look good, and ending the work week in this manner usually leads to a positive start for the weekend. But I put on one dress and had to change because it made me look sallow and then I settled on one of my new naked lady dresses courtesy of Morgan, this black peasant dress with brown and white crochet detailing at the neck and the hem, and then had to empty my bag of tights onto my bed, finally settling on my sheer black pair because all the opaque tights were dirty. I had never worn these sheer tights before. But it looked okay. Ran outside. Got on my bike. Started pedaling. Went about a block before I noticed a tiny irregularity on my upper thigh. Tiny. No big deal. Kept pedaling. Two blocks. It's a run. A tiny run on my thigh. Kept pedaling. Before I had gotten to 15th it was a substantial run. And it just kept growing. Every time I looked down it had grown. Soon it was a hole. A hole the size of f-ing China. And then! And then it sent out runners, like a noxious weed or something, and I have these runners that are seeking to colonize my knee and I'm just like, really? Really? And this guy wearing shorts, socks, crocs and an orange safety vest cuts me off on his bike with panniers filled with like, a million pop can rings and empty shopping bags like he was planning on running out and killing some baby seals. And then I realized my tire was flat.