I'm . . . . . Biggie?

So, I recently acquired a boyfriend. I say acquired because things did not happen in the usual agonizing process that begins with first makeout, lags in constant phone checking-conversation analysis-pseudo-date-limbo and ends months later with the infamous facebook status update. We were long-distancing and then he moved here. Instant boyfriend. It’s been awesome.

However, there has been a slight snag. When he made plans to move here, we of course discussed living arrangements and the need for him to have his own space. I suggested NE (where I live), or SE (where I work). North would have been fine too. I provided some gentle guidance, but left him to his own devices so I wouldn’t seem like a bossy hag. He listened to my opinions on the matter very respectfully and then he found a place in NW. Yes. The West Side.

I love Portland. But what this whole thing has really brought to my attention is that I am a total neighborhood snob. Maybe snob is not the right word. Devotee? I never go to the west side. Almost everything I need is on the east side of the river and I find myself disturbed by the necessity of constant exposure to the west side. I’m not sure why. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s nice over there. His place is nice. But I have this unmeasured disdain for the area and I can’t seem to help it. And it’s not just the disdain factor. It’s my love and loyalty for the east side that makes the whole thing especially awkward. If Portland were actually the United States, and I was a rapper, I would be aligned with Biggie and Bad Boy Records. I’m not even sure that I’m comfortable with that. I’ve always preferred 2pac and the west coast scene in general.

I’m hoping for an intervention. If anyone has any input on things that you like about the west side, good places to go to breakfast, cheap bars, etc., please comment. The spiral of violence has to end.