So Wholesome it Burns

It is seriously fall. I'm getting sad. The days are getting impossibly short and this is only the beginning. I just bought a light box and am hoping that prevents me from becoming a lunatic this winter. We'll see.

On a lighter and much more pleasant note, some friends and I are doing this on Saturday afternoon. Yes, we are going out to Sauvie Island and celebrating fall. So wholesome. This includes picking pumpkins and going on a hay ride and drinking cider and probably an ear of corn and maybe a caramel apple*. Liz wants to sing songs on the hay ride. And then, once night descends (this is happening earlier every day) we are going to go through the Haunted Corn Maze. So great.

Alexa and Furell (visitor from New Zealand) and I went through one a few Halloweens ago and it was actually a really terrifying experience. There's a lot to deal with. Random shrieks of other maze-goers coming from every direction. Rustling in the corn which usually, in real life, would be a bird or something, but in the corn maze always turns out to be a horror movie come to life freak in a mask who gets in your face until you run away. And then you start thinking about the sort of people that would volunteer to work a haunted corn maze and imagining that they are probably deranged psychotics who are actually plotting to make this a real haunted corn maze and start killing their victims and dragging their bodies off into the corn and soon the paths are slick with blood and the corpses are stacking up and no one can find their way out and I think it's pretty obvious that I have unwittingly written out the plot to a new horror movie. You saw it here first.

* To be honest, I'm not into caramel apples. They are sticky and messy and the good part is only on the outside and then you have all this apple on a stick to eat and your teeth are filled with sugar-goo. They are one of the only sweet things I'm not into.

Photo source

Fingers Crossed

courtesy of Hot Chip website

I love Hot Chip. I really really love them and have been forcing other people to listen to them ever since I was a prep cook at the Doug Fir and Lance the cook (who randomly enough was a bartender at the Horsehead before that) passed on his Hot Chip megamix to me. And I still haven't seen them live and it kind of breaks my heart. My love for Hot Chip can be compared to your biggest lamest high school crush and the disappointment I will feel if they aren't on the Sasquatch lineup will be comparable to how you would feel if your crush decided to ask out your best friend only because you happened to be home sick that day. They are playing Coachella. If those LA assholes get Hot Chip and I don't, there is going to be another blood curse. This is the single from their new album of the same name. They're moving into the ballad side of things on this one and I'm okay with that.

Blood Curse

Okay. So this is kind of crazy but here it is. Last summer I crashed a wedding with some friends at the request of the best man and it turned out to be a disaster. Total, horrific disaster which culminated in the best man tackling me onto a wine glass which punctured my lower back and created a gash that ended up bleeding profusely onto a white suede couch. It took a long time to heal. I still have a scar. The best man went back to Japan where he is teaching English to Japanese children. And I vowed that when he came back I would return the favor and stab him.

He still isn't back but we were talking about my vow last night, Liz was trying to tell me it was unacceptable (as if I didn't know that and would never actually stab someone on purpose unless maybe they were actually trying to kill me and even then I would have a really hard time with it) and we had been singing and playing music and then we decided to play darts. And I was really sucking at darts. Like my darts weren't even hitting the board. Like, one out of three was actually making contact with the board, and even then, not inside the circle. I was getting really flustered and I turned around to hand the darts back to Jesse and one of them, I don't know, slipped and flew out of my hand and kind of hit him. It was this extended awkward moment and I was apologizing and trying not to laugh and Liz and Michael were laughing (hysterically) and Jesse was a little bummed and was like, "Yeah, that kind of hurt," and then he looked down and exclaimed, "I'm bleeding!" He was. He was bleeding through his white athletic sock. And then I was even more apologetic and he went upstairs to clean it up and I was feeling pretty horrible, I mean, what are the chances of inadvertently stabbing someone in the foot with a dart? Then I took off these fingerless gloves I had been wearing and proceeded to play one of the best dart games of my life. Liz and I destroyed them.

So here's the thing. I'm pretty sure some sort of horrible blood curse was enacted with the spilling of my blood at that ill-fated wedding; it started with Brian's horrible blunder and then passed on to me, and now it's been passed on to Jesse and he's going to have to make someone else bleed in a really ridiculous way. It may go on forever. Watch out for that.