January 28, 2010

Blood Curse

Okay. So this is kind of crazy but here it is. Last summer I crashed a wedding with some friends at the request of the best man and it turned out to be a disaster. Total, horrific disaster which culminated in the best man tackling me onto a wine glass which punctured my lower back and created a gash that ended up bleeding profusely onto a white suede couch. It took a long time to heal. I still have a scar. The best man went back to Japan where he is teaching English to Japanese children. And I vowed that when he came back I would return the favor and stab him.

He still isn't back but we were talking about my vow last night, Liz was trying to tell me it was unacceptable (as if I didn't know that and would never actually stab someone on purpose unless maybe they were actually trying to kill me and even then I would have a really hard time with it) and we had been singing and playing music and then we decided to play darts. And I was really sucking at darts. Like my darts weren't even hitting the board. Like, one out of three was actually making contact with the board, and even then, not inside the circle. I was getting really flustered and I turned around to hand the darts back to Jesse and one of them, I don't know, slipped and flew out of my hand and kind of hit him. It was this extended awkward moment and I was apologizing and trying not to laugh and Liz and Michael were laughing (hysterically) and Jesse was a little bummed and was like, "Yeah, that kind of hurt," and then he looked down and exclaimed, "I'm bleeding!" He was. He was bleeding through his white athletic sock. And then I was even more apologetic and he went upstairs to clean it up and I was feeling pretty horrible, I mean, what are the chances of inadvertently stabbing someone in the foot with a dart? Then I took off these fingerless gloves I had been wearing and proceeded to play one of the best dart games of my life. Liz and I destroyed them.

So here's the thing. I'm pretty sure some sort of horrible blood curse was enacted with the spilling of my blood at that ill-fated wedding; it started with Brian's horrible blunder and then passed on to me, and now it's been passed on to Jesse and he's going to have to make someone else bleed in a really ridiculous way. It may go on forever. Watch out for that.

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