Orphan

My parents come home this Sunday. I say, it's about time. Now that they're retired they can do things like take month and a half long tours around New Zealand (photo from their travels above). I don't know about you guys, but when I did the requisite study abroad (in New Zealand) I wrote these epic emails to friends and family about what I'd been up to. I've read some of them, years later, and they are sprawling, rambling, information-filled tomes filled with names of mysterious towns, new best friends, hilarity, and drama. I put some effort into those.

Do you know what I get from my parents? Three sentences, at most a small paragraph, of point-blank information with the occasional exclamation reminding me that I am at work, sitting at a desk, in a town that refuses to acknowledge spring.

Some excerpts:

We are flying to Christchurch this afternoon.  We are healthy.

We spent last night up the Hokatika River with the black flies.  They left us with fond memories.   

Just wanted to let you know we are okay.  We are in Puhrara on Gold Bay.  We waded into the Tasman Sea today.  Life is wonderful.  

While they were gone I went through a crisis with my taxes, Newt got in a dog fight, and my car broke down (my dad is my mechanic). I have to admit that I had some moments of separation anxiety but I like to think that I conquered them and found adult solutions to these problems. Or not. I took my taxes to accountant, abandoned my car and started biking everywhere, and Laurence took care of Newt. I'm glad they're finally coming home.

I'm . . . . . Biggie?

So, I recently acquired a boyfriend. I say acquired because things did not happen in the usual agonizing process that begins with first makeout, lags in constant phone checking-conversation analysis-pseudo-date-limbo and ends months later with the infamous facebook status update. We were long-distancing and then he moved here. Instant boyfriend. It’s been awesome.

However, there has been a slight snag. When he made plans to move here, we of course discussed living arrangements and the need for him to have his own space. I suggested NE (where I live), or SE (where I work). North would have been fine too. I provided some gentle guidance, but left him to his own devices so I wouldn’t seem like a bossy hag. He listened to my opinions on the matter very respectfully and then he found a place in NW. Yes. The West Side.

I love Portland. But what this whole thing has really brought to my attention is that I am a total neighborhood snob. Maybe snob is not the right word. Devotee? I never go to the west side. Almost everything I need is on the east side of the river and I find myself disturbed by the necessity of constant exposure to the west side. I’m not sure why. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s nice over there. His place is nice. But I have this unmeasured disdain for the area and I can’t seem to help it. And it’s not just the disdain factor. It’s my love and loyalty for the east side that makes the whole thing especially awkward. If Portland were actually the United States, and I was a rapper, I would be aligned with Biggie and Bad Boy Records. I’m not even sure that I’m comfortable with that. I’ve always preferred 2pac and the west coast scene in general.

I’m hoping for an intervention. If anyone has any input on things that you like about the west side, good places to go to breakfast, cheap bars, etc., please comment. The spiral of violence has to end.

What to do when you're in Japan ni

Night Bus: If you snowboard and you're there in winter you should totally do this. Seriously. Snowboarding in Japan is so much fun. I actually thought I was over snowboarding after a couple winters in Colorado and then I went out there and found renewed love and faith in the powers of snowboarding. The mountains are great and perhaps due to the fact that nobody rides trees out there, you feel like you are an explorer. When you duck a rope you don't have tracks to follow, you just have to go for it and hope you end up back at a chair.
The Night Bus leaves from Shinjuku Station around 10 p.m. You get on this totally crowded bus and it drives through the night. The bus will be really, really warm. Painfully so. You may drink heavily in the hopes of passing out. If you do fall asleep you will wake suddenly to realize you are sweating profusely and drooling. You won't fit in the seat. Japanese people have the uncanny ability to sleep anywhere (you will see this on trains all the time. They fall completely asleep sitting up and then manage to wake right before their stop). They will all be sleeping peacefully. The bus will stop randomly at travel centers with enormous restrooms, snacks, local delicacies, and an all-night ramen shop. Everyone will eat ramen in five minutes and get back on the bus. You will arrive at your destination around 6 a.m. You will get off the bus and someone will hand you your boardbag and unfortunately you will feel like someone beat you with a bar of soap in a sock. You will then go to the lodge and put on your snowboarding gear. If you are a girl you will watch all the girls put a lot of makeup on. I don't know what you will watch if you're a boy. Probably lots of dynamic stretching. You will then go out and snowboard all day. Duck ropes. It's the best part. Explore. No one ducks ropes so sometimes you will find something awesome and sometimes you will end up in a ravine and have to negotiate a series of dams. Don't drop your board in the water. You may have to hike around a large reservoir. That's okay too. Eat a huge Japanese lunch. Go out after lunch and find the park. It may be middling but it will still be fun. Take some family photos. Hike something in-bounds. Ride the last chair and run down to lodge, change, buy a couple chu-hi for the ride home and get on the bus. Nap. Arrive in Shinjuku just before last train and catch your train home.

Adventure 3.2

I had such a great week away from my computer and I have realized that I went into the wrong field. I should be a biologist. You are paid to walk around the woods and look for things. In this case, we were looking for pygmy rabbits but I also saw a family of marmots, bat guano, three deer, four jackrabbits, a mountain lion den, a tiny nest in the sagebrush with baby birds without their feathers and one blue egg, broken down Mormon towns, sunsets, lizards, and a lot of poop. That was the main thing we were looking for. Burrows and poop. However, rabbit poop is called "pellets" and it sounds a lot nicer. I took a few photos but (of course) my camera died because I am irresponsible and assume that electronics take care of themselves. I also drank a disturbing amount of 3.2 beer which is really refreshing and pretty much like drinking barley flavored carbonated water. On the last day we got a pack of Olympia, the only case of Olympia in Lin's Market, and I swear it wasn't 3.2. We were all on beer three and were like, "shit, I'm actually feeling something. This is like the real thing." It may have been the altitude but I like to think that the Northwest triumphed and managed to get some real beer through the iron gates. That, or Utah made me soft.

What to do when you're in Japan ichi

A friend of mine is going off on a research expedition (On a boat! So jealous) and he may be stopping in Tokyo. Which made me think of all the things that I was fond of in Japan and what would be best recommended to others. While it may be the trivial items that I found most satisfying (teasing Japanese children, onigiri from 7-11, telling the lady at city hall that I was leaving and needed to cancel my health insurance in Japanese), these would not be the highlights of a brief visit. I had to split this post into segments because it got too big. Apparently there are a lot of things I liked about Japan.

Buy something weird: The Japanese love kitsch and they love to shop. A lot of my female students listed shopping as a hobby. Most of the train stations double as shopping centers, malls are everywhere, and then there are the actual shopping districts. They also love products with English or French sayings on them. It's really charming. You really don't have to go far to find some random stationary, a t-shirt with a really creepy slogan, a horrifically sexual figurine, or a watch with a lot of crazy buttons. The hyaku-yen shops are great too. Dollar stores. They have so much great random stuff. On one trip I returned with a recorder, a potted plant, scissors, a sewing kit, earrings, a wind-chime, and a notebook with donuts on it.

Climb a mountain: There are some cool places to hike in relatively close proximity to Tokyo. It's gorgeous, there are usually some funny signs, and it's a nice break from the concrete. At most summits there will be some sort of shrine and a village or restaurant area and you can buy food and huge bottles of beer to sustain your descent. There's the added bonus of seeing Japanese in the outdoors. They are super friendly. You will be saying konnichiwa all day.

Skate!: If you skate, you should skate there. Skating around Tokyo is classic, there are all sorts of ledges, steps, and obviously concrete forever. There are quite a few parks around and some shops with mini-ramps but the best thing to do is just wander around. It's nicest in the evening, less people and cooler.

Ferris wheels: The Japanese love ferris wheels. They are everywhere. They are in any city of merit, they are at amusement parks, they are at ski resorts. I recommend buying a grapefruit chu-hi (tall), hiding it in your belongings, and finishing it by the time the ferris wheel has made its rotation.

Spring!

In the past week I have seen:

1. violets scattered on non-groomed lawns

2. crocuses

3. the beginnings of blossoms on the trees outside my office

4. daffodils

5. weird pale white guys wearing shorts and flip-flops

Spring is early this year and I am already imagining river trips and camping and skating and swimming and drinks on sunny patios and coffee in the morning sun. In Japan everyone celebrates cherry blossoms by hanging out in the parks under trees and having seriously elaborate picnics and drinking chu-hi (this kind of malt beverage, the equivalent of Zima maybe, but it's less sweet and higher in alcohol content and without the high school connotation, like, it is perfectly acceptable for a grown person to drink a chu-hi). And they call this event Hanami. And because the whole "watch" versus "look at" versus "view" thing is a confusing english language distinction, they will tell you that they enjoy watching the cherry blossoms. The photo above was taken in Yoyogi Park, one of the most popular parks in Tokyo and I think it is a pretty good representation of the insane festival quality of Hanami. And I think we should bring this to Portland and celebrate spring.