July 18, 2011

American Beauty

It was Charissa's birthday yesterday*. She made a massive, three-story carrot cake bedecked with cream-cheese frosting and invited friends to meet her at Roadside Attraction to eat it. Charissa turns a year older and we get cake. It was a fantastic trade. To celebrate Charissa's birthday, I gave her a book that will help her age with grace and dignity. It's called The American Look-How It Can Be Yours.**

 This book includes gems like recommendations for regular massage from a home masseuse (masseurs are creeps), the ideal weight (100 lbs=5 foot woman, add three pounds for every inch above 5 feet and don't forget to subtract a few pounds from your allowance if you have a small frame), wrapping your hands in cold cream when performing the countless tasks around the house that require gloves (dishwashing, scrubbing, gardening, picking things up off the floor), and what to do if you get cellulite (she has no idea since she's thankfully never had cellulite). All this is supplemented by countless photos of her doing American things like running down the beach, posing in 80s workout gear with her leg up on a bar, lying on a chaise lounge with her surprisingly unattractive child Gaston, or just standing there, being fabulous.

I highly recommend it. If anything, it's great to know how much time you're saving by avoiding the American Look. If I ever wrote a beauty book, it would be very brief and to the point. It would involve recommendations like, "You don't need to wash your face!" and "Makeup is time-consuming!" and "Burritos are delicious!"

* Happy birthday!
** Check out this link if only for the review. It's priceless.
Photo from here

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