April 8, 2010

Hot Hot Hate II

So, to balance out all the hate this list emits into the world, I am also including love. This list is just like Switzerland.

People I hate:

People who wear running shoes in bars
Americans are notorious for wearing running shoes about town like they are an acceptable and fashionable form of footwear. All over the world Americans are picked out of the crowd by their shiny white running shoes, their Nalgene bottles, and their Lonely Planets. Fine. You are traveling. You may be walking long distances and maybe you don't want your feet to hurt. There are other footwear choices that would be more attractive but whatever. However, a night out in your city of residence? Unless you are also wearing full gym attire and a slight sweaty sheen from your recent venture at the gym, you shouldn't be wearing those shoes. Those are workout shoes. And they look dumb with your jeans.

Fun killers
Why? Why would you kill someone's fun? It may be that you are incapable of having fun because you are too self conscious or sober or depressed or existentially challenged. But that doesn't mean you need to step in with your heavy hand and ruin it for everyone else. Take your judging eyes and scathing comments somewhere else.

People who participate in consumer transactions while talking on their cellphone

When you are ordering a latte or depositing a check or buying a greeting card you expect their undivided attention and you should give them the same.

People I love:

Guys with weird combovers
It's just so awesome and fascinating. Everyone knows you're bald. You know you're bald. But you've got this long hair that grows by your ears and you have found various creative ways to wrap it around and attach it to your skull. And sometimes it comes loose in a strong breeze and starts waving around but that doesn't stop you. Thank you.

People who give me Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs on Easter

So great. It's a giant egg-shaped Peanut Butter Cup. More peanut butter, more chocolate, more everything.

People who eat more than me

I eat a lot. We went to Skamania Lodge for this brunch buffet (it was amazing! Endless mimosas and a whole dessert tray and crab and waffles and etc.) I ate two or three more plates more than my brother. He found it disturbing. He even tells his friends about it, like it is a defining feature of my character. I like it when I am not the person at the buffet table with the largest stack of plates.


Caitlin said...

Yes! Thank you for hating people who think they can wear their damn workout sneakers into public with their jeans and not offend others! Whenever I verbally rant about this I get looks that read "don't you have better things to care about?" or, "wow, you're really bitter" or maybe they are all just thinking "oops, I better not tell her I wore my sneakers with jeans to the Olive Garden last night with my mom." I don't know. I just can't believe how many humans in this country think this is an acceptable thing to do. JUST DON'T WEAR THEM IF YOU ARE NOT JOGGING. THANK YOU. Btw, I didn't realize Yeasayer was coming! I almost posted that same song for musical monday but I was too lazy...hahaha. I will not, however, be too lazy to purchase tickets!!!

Rachel Wrong said...

I have an extra ticket that could be yours if you want it. I have heard rumors of sold out but I'm not sure if it's true.

a said...

i had this same thought today when i saw a guy with jeans on and a northface wearing running shoes. you can't find shoes better suited for your outfit right now? you think those are cute? cause i know you're not going running with jeans on. eigh. get a clue.