April 2, 2010

Phantom House

My friend Kyle Arthur is surprisingly mysterious. He looks straightforward enough. He has a beard and a pleasant expression. He's not above wearing things like khaki cargo shorts to super hip events like PDX PopNow and tolerating people making fun of him to his face (me). But he also has a dark side.

He has a "girlfriend". Apparently they have been dating forever, since early college years and they live together. For the longest time we didn't believe that she existed. She never came out with us or accompanied him to events. We never saw her or proof of her (khaki cargo shorts? Why didn't you stop him?) Kyle was always a solo flyer and that was okay, but he continued to lie about this girlfriend of his and we continued to pretend that we believed him. Until she actually did show up at a bbq/living room dance extravaganza and dispelled the myths once and for all.

The issue of his home has yet to be solved. I have never been to Kyle Arthur's home. No one has. Apparently it's an apartment in NW, on like 20th or so, and Couch. Or so he says. He never has people over, no dinner parties, no pre-parties, no movie nights, no pizza parties. Nothing. And then he finally says he's going to invite people over, creates a facebook invite (that means it's real) and then pulls it today at the last second and aborts the whole mission. He promised us spanakopita. Hey Kyle, April Fools was yesterday. Not funny.

If it weren't for the fact that Kyle and I were enrolled in the same black and white photography class at UofO I would be 100 percent sure that Kyle Arthur is actually a crazy homeless impostor who paid a girl to show up at a party where all his young and attractive non-homeless friends were to keep the lie alive. I'm beginning to doubt him. We'll see. He has postponed the party for two weeks. . .


Elizabeth said...

I went into his house once. It was great, and clear that it wasn't occupied by a man alone.

Gabe Rodriguez said...

I saw them together a couple of weeks back! Kyle is my neighbor, you see, and up until this recent sighting, I too was a skeptic about this alleged girlfriend. I was just a hair too far behind them to yell out "Kyle! And your girlfriend! Wait up so I can prove it's true!," and they unfortunately turned right a few blocks later while my path was straightforward. This party, we'll see...two weeks is like forever.

Kyle said...

This might be one of the best descriptions of my life that I have ever read, nicely done.

And again, I apologize for canceling the party at the last minute. I am still fighting this stupid sickness and Liz was dying.