March 14, 2011

Passive Attack

I stayed at Sam's last night. As you all know, he lives in NW but I probably have not described his building to you. It's a large brick building with four floors. It's located next to the world's loudest Wells Fargo ATM, the beeping of which you can hear at all hours of the night. The interior often smells like curry, or marijuana, or a combination of both. There is a lot of orangish carpet, and lots of stairs, and a decrepit elevator. In the summer there is always a group of lurkers who sit on the stoop and drink beer and sometimes they barbecue. They always do this in front of the door and then I have to shuffle through awkwardly with my bike, trying not to knock over beer cans.

Today the apartment building hit an all-time low. I rolled my bike to the elevator, pushed the button, and it opened to display an decrepit, elaborately stained twin mattress. Like, full-on Venn diagrams of late-night bladder release. That sad abandoned thing was just sitting in there, enjoying the ride, undoubtedly shedding bedbugs and fleas on every floor. I then had to share the elevator with it, a presence more ominous than any lurker with a beer can and a plate of curry. Can you catch bedbugs just by standing next to an infested mattress?

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